It’s 4:30. AM. I’ve been up since 1:30. It’s nights like tonight that I absolutely wish that God would send an angel to club me in the head. I’m so tired, so very, very tired.
That’s my life lately. Tired. I feel like all my “issues” are coming to a head all at one time. Staying home this last month has been a mild degree of excruciating. I’m so burnt out. I’ve talked with plenty of moms who have gone back to work after having a baby because they couldn’t handle staying home. Although I don’t think work is the answer, I can empathize with where they are coming from more than I would wish upon anyone, really. In other words, God and I have been having lots of talks lately.
Tonight, one of those talks left me feeling ignorant. In the purest sense of the word. I poured out my frustrations to Heavenly Father, and then learned that a big part of everything is my fault.
Since I last posted about teaching Thea to sleep, her sleeping abilities have slowly decreased until we now are back to where we started (although, let it be noted that she has never lost her ability to sleep in her own bed nor to sleep for long amounts of time.) (So I guess, really, what I mean is that her ability to put herself to sleep has vanished and her miraculous, every-parent-wished-they-were-me ability to sleep all night long without waking up has been replaced by 2-4 wakings every night.) So again, my life has revolved around trying to get Thea to sleep and wishing I could sleep every minutes she’s awake. And it’s really my fault. I’ve slowly taken over putting her to sleep because I’m too impatient.
My sweet husband was the one to act on promptings I had been having for months, but was dreading doing. We needed to go back to the Ferber Method. But as usual, Andrew could see how to modify the method to Thea’s new situation, and she has made significant improvement with being able to put herself to sleep. It’s no longer a 30-45 minute fight of thinking of anything and everything that might get her to sleep, so I could lay her down. I now can just lay her down (and keep her from crawling or climbing until she settles in), hold her hand through the crib rails, and sit and close my eyes while she decides when to finally close her eyes and give into sleep. It’s a great burden lifted.
But she still wakes up during the night so much. It’s awful. I never wake up feeling rested anymore. I finally got lazy and just started bringing her back into my bed when she’d wake up, so she could lay next to me and eat and fall asleep while I slept.
So it was after her first wake up tonight that God helped me learn just how ignorant I am when it comes to taking care of a baby. After failing and failing and failing to fall asleep, I spent hours online, learning about the different approaches and ideas for baby sleep, simply to learn that I have been doing everything to make my life and Thea’s life difficult.
Long story short: better feeding + better routines = better sleep (for all of us).
I still have a ton a ton to learn. But I found a blog that seriously is sent from above. This woman, Rachel, has basically read every big name baby sleep book out there, and summarizes them all according to category. Truly, I wish I could grab this woman’s face in my hands and kiss her forehead as loud as I can! Here’s the link: www.mybabysleepguide.com
And forgive me, but I can’t help but think, Why doesn’t anyone sit an expecting mother down and teach her all these things! And you know, maybe I’ve just been too prideful and know-it-all to listen. May one day I be humble instead of having to find things out the hard way.